How Islam Defines and Treats Toxic Relationships
Human relationships are not merely a social
luxury; they are an innate need embedded in the depths of every human being.
Through them, a person tastes the meaning of tranquility and experiences the
value of belonging and intimacy. However, these relationships may sometimes
shift from being a bridge of comfort into a burden that weighs down the soul
and drains energy, turning into what is known today in psychology and sociology
as “toxic relationships.”
Western Perspective on Relationships
In Western societies, relationships are
often defined by legal frameworks and individual rights. When children disagree
with their parents, they take matters to court. When parents grow old, they are
placed in care homes as the “natural solution.” Even family ties are subject to
prior appointments, making relationships governed by a formal distance that
lacks the warmth of natural affection. This approach strips relationships of
their human and spiritual depth, reducing them to confined personal spaces that
neither overflow with affection nor fulfill the heart.
Read Also: Fellowship Rights in Islam
Psychological
and Social Concept of Toxic Relationships
A toxic relationship is not just a passing
conflict or a temporary quarrel; rather, it is a recurring pattern of behaviors
characterized by excessive control, constant humiliation, pathological
jealousy, lies, betrayal, psychological or financial exploitation, and more.
The victim in such a relationship is trapped in a vicious cycle of pain, losing
inner freedom and feeling that their presence in the relationship is a draining
burden on their spiritual and emotional energy.
Read Also: Virtues of Good Company
Islamic Perspective on Human
Relationships
Islam does not leave relationships without
guidance; instead, it builds them on firm foundations of mercy, justice, and
kindness. Allah says: “And He placed between you
affection and mercy” (Ar-Rum 30: 21). This affection is not
confined to marriage but extends as a principle to every healthy relationship
founded on respect and the preservation of dignity.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “There should neither be harming (of others without cause), nor reciprocating harm (between two parties)” (Ibn Majah). The wording first negates harm, then negates reciprocating it, affirming that Islam instills mercy and ease, never burdening people with what they cannot bear. Hence, no Islamic ruling ever commands harm or forbids something that carries clear benefit.
Read Also: Islam and the Making of a Civilized Human
Types of Toxic Relationships in Light
of Islamic Texts
Society reflects patterns of toxic
relationships that creep into people’s lives, poisoning them and turning bonds
of affection into sources of pain and suffering. These differ from
psychological disorders, which mainly affect the individual’s emotions, thoughts,
and behavior. Toxic relationship patterns, however, affect society at large,
and Islamic texts warned against them in detail, prescribing remedies to
protect against these moral afflictions.
The Silent Killer
One of the most destructive forms of
toxicity is envy—a disease that severs bonds of love and corrupts affection.
The envious cannot tolerate seeing others blessed; they long for those
blessings to vanish, turning relationships into hidden struggles of hatred. The
Prophet ﷺ forbade this, saying: “Do not envy each other and do not hate each other
and do not shun each other” (Muslim).
Allah gave the cure in His words: “And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of
you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women
is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of his bounty” (An-Nisa
4: 32). Thus, the believer is guided to seek Allah’s bounty rather than
longing for others’ blessings to disappear.
Poison of Estrangement
Alongside envy comes severing ties and
hostility. Some cut off their brothers, shut doors of reconciliation, and even
ignite flames of enmity. The Qur’an describes believers as brothers and
commands reconciliation: “The believers are but
brothers, so make settlement between your brothers” (Al-Hujurat
49: 10). Such estrangement fractures the body of the Ummah, spreading
hatred and fueling division.
The Qur’an directs us toward forgiveness
and pardon: “So pardon and overlook until Allah
delivers His command” (Al-Baqarah 2: 109). The Prophet ﷺ also said: “It is not
lawful for a Muslim to desert (not to speak to) his brother Muslim for more
than three days while meeting, one turns his face to one side and the other
turns his face to the other side. Lo! The better of the two is the one who
starts greeting the other” (Bukhari).
Toxicity of Injustice
Oppression and exploitation represent some
of the ugliest forms of toxic relationships. The oppressor views the other only
as a tool for personal gain, violating their rights, dignity, or exploiting
them emotionally or financially. In a hadith qudsi, Allah says: “O My servants,
I have made oppression unlawful for myself and I have made it unlawful among
you, so do not oppress one another” (Muslim).
Allah also says: “Indeed, Allah commands justice and good conduct” (An-Nahl
16: 90). Justice and kindness are the guarantees against oppression and the
foundation for healthy relationships.
Egos in Words
Fruitless disputes and endless arguments
are among the deadliest poisons in human ties. They transform conversations
from bridges of understanding into battlefields of ego. The Prophet ﷺ warned: “I guarantee a
house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if
he were in the right” (Abu Dawud).
Allah also says: “No one disputes concerning the signs of Allah except those who
disbelieve, so be not deceived by their [uninhibited] movement throughout the
land” (Ghafir 40: 4). The Qur’an instead commands us to call
with wisdom and good preaching: “Invite to the
way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way
that is best” (An-Nahl 16: 125).
Chains of Grudge
Hatred and rancor poison relationships,
darkening hearts. Allah describes the people of Paradise: “And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of
resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other” (Al-Hijr
15: 47). This shows that resentment is among the greatest causes of misery
in life. Its cure lies in: “who restrain anger
and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good” (Al-Imran
3: 134).
A Forbidden Feast
Backbiting and gossip corrode trust in
relationships. Allah condemns it: “And do not
spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his
brother when dead? You would detest it” (Al-Hujurat 49: 12).
This vivid image equates backbiting with eating human flesh, showing its
severity. Alongside this, Allah warns against suspicion: “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative]
assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin” (Al-Hujurat 49: 12).
When is Cutting Ties Inevitable?
When a relationship leads to sin or
straying from the straight path, the Qur’an portrays the regret of the Day of
Judgment: “Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken
that one as a friend” (Al-Furqan 25: 28). Similarly, if the
relationship becomes nothing but oppression and degradation, cutting ties
becomes a shield to protect dignity. The Prophet ﷺ said: “A Muslim is a
brother of another Muslim. So he should neither oppress him nor hand him over
to an oppressor” (Bukhari and Muslim).
Is Cutting Ties Absolute?
No. Islam restricts cutting ties to
necessity and wisdom. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Do not hate
one another nor envy one another nor shun one another. Slaves of Allah, be
brothers! It is not lawful for a Muslim to refuse to speak to his brother
(Muslim) for more than three nights” (Bukhari and Muslim).
When the toxic person is a relative, the
Prophet ﷺ instructed: “The one who maintains the ties of kinship is not the one
who merely reciprocates, but the one who continues to uphold the bond even when
his relatives cut him off” (Bukhari). He ﷺ also said: “And the best
of them is the one who greets his brother first.” (Bukhari and
Muslim).
This makes it clear that cutting ties is
not an act of aggression, but rather a means of protecting oneself and one’s
faith. Once the harm subsides, the relationship returns to its original state.
In cases where the harmful party is a
relative, the Prophet’s guidance was precise: “The person who perfectly maintains
the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by
his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly
maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though
the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him.” (Bukhari).
Thus, a Muslim balances between the rights
of kinship and the rights of his own self, maintaining ties in a manner that
achieves the objective while preventing renewed harm.
Examples from Prophetic Life
The Prophet ﷺ endured
immense harm—his face was wounded at Uhud, camel entrails were placed on him
while prostrating, and he was boycotted in the valley of Abu Talib. Yet, he did
not repay harm with harm. On the day of the conquest of Makkah, he said to
those who had harmed him: “Go, for you are free” (Ibn Hisham, Sirah).
However, he was firm when firmness was
needed, exposing the hypocrites and warning the Muslims of their danger. Thus,
the Prophet ﷺ balanced mercy with strength, embodying perfect leadership in
handling relationships.
Comprehensiveness of Islam
While the West approaches relationships
through the cold lens of individual law, Islam presents a deeper, holistic
view—balancing human nature with the protection of the soul from harm. Islam
rejects any relationship built upon humiliation, exploitation, or injustice,
offering instead a framework rooted in justice, mercy, and dignity.
This comprehensive outlook provides a
richer understanding of toxic relationships, highlighting their dangers while
offering remedies based on divine guidance.
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Resorces:
- Encyclopedia of "Mahasin Al-Islam"
- Fatwas on Islamweb.com
- Dr. Hala Samir, Episode "Toxic Relationships"
- Article "Red Flags in Toxic Relationships", ajnet.me
Read Also:
· Quranic
Vision for Human Interaction
