Islamic Parenting Precedent for Modern Practices

In recent years, the concept of “positive parenting” has gained popularity among families and educators around the world. It is seen as a modern educational approach that focuses on respecting children, effective communication with them, and encouraging rather than punishing.

And when an educator is seen applying Islamic educational methods, it is often said that he is following positive parenting — even though a simple reflection on the principles of Islamic parenting clearly shows that these concepts have been deeply rooted in Islam for more than fourteen centuries, and in a far more comprehensive manner. It is a divine, complete methodology, free of deviation and error.

In this article, we highlight the ways in which Islamic parenting preceded what is today known as “positive parenting”:

1. Respecting the child's rights and giving them choices:

When a caregiver gives a child a choice in matters related to their rights — such as giving up a toy or a share of something — some may find this strange and label it as “positive parenting.” In reality, it is following the example of the best of creation ﷺ. As narrated by Sahl ibn Sa’d: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was brought a drink, and he drank from it. On his right was a young boy — the youngest of the group — and on his left were the elders. He said: “O boy, do you permit me to give it to the elders?” The boy replied: “I would not give up my share of drinking from you, O Messenger of Allah, for anyone.” So, he gave it to him. ⁽¹⁾

The Prophet ﷺ respected the child's right to begin, offered him a choice, and honored his decision to receive the drink from the Prophet’s blessed hand. This consideration reflects Islam’s care in raising children to be confident and assertive in their rights — to speak up even in a gathering of adults. So how much more should a child be allowed to choose in lesser matters?

2. Gentleness and kindness in parenting:

Islam encourages gentleness in general — and in parenting specifically — and highly values it. As narrated by Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet ﷺ said: “A'isha, verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).” ⁽²⁾

This shows that the reward for kindness is greater than for any other virtuous trait. The Sunnah is filled with practical examples of this, such as:

• The young man who came to the Prophet ﷺ asking permission to commit adultery. The Prophet responded gently, reasoned with him, and made du‘a for him until the young man turned away from that desire and became one of the most righteous.
• The command to instruct children to pray at seven years old, but only allow disciplinary action at ten — giving a full three years of patient guidance. Scholars noted that any discipline must be controlled: never while angry, nor in a harmful manner.

Thus, Islamic parenting has placed precise boundaries for both kindness and discipline, and how to balance between them.

3. Encouragement and motivation instead of criticism:

Islam urges us to speak kindly to others and rewards good words, while warning of the consequences of harmful speech. As narrated by Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet ﷺ said: “A man utters a word pleasing to Allah without considering it of any significance for which Allah exalts his ranks (in Jannah); another one speaks a word displeasing to Allah without considering it of any importance, and for this reason he will sink down into Hell.” ⁽³⁾

In the Sunnah, we find the Prophet ﷺ praising and encouraging his companions rather than scolding them. For example, he said about Abdullah ibn Umar: “Abdullah is a good man. Would that he offer the night prayer (Tahajjud)!”

He didn’t reprimand him for not praying, but motivated him by highlighting the virtue he could attain. Every caregiver should therefore choose their words carefully, using positive reinforcement to strengthen a child’s character.

4. Providing a safe and nurturing environment for the child:

Islam pays attention to the child’s environment from birth. It teaches calling the adhan in the newborn's ear, softening a date and rubbing it in the mouth (tahnik), choosing a good name, encouraging mothers to breastfeed, and making weaning a mutual decision between parents. The Prophet ﷺ also kissed and carried children — even during prayer. He kissed Hasan and Husayn, and carried Umamah bint Zaynab while leading prayer.

All of this illustrates Islam’s care to provide a nurturing, loving environment that preserves the child’s pure nature (fitrah) and provides unconditional love — so the child grows up with strong faith, emotional stability, and physical well-being.

5. Building self-awareness and responsibility in the child:

Islam strengthens a child’s self-awareness and raises them to take responsibility, preparing them spiritually and intellectually from a young age for accountability. As Allah says: “Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained.” — Surah Al-Muddaththir, verse 38

It is essential to raise children with the principle of self-monitoring and belief in divine reward and punishment. As when the Prophet ﷺ advised Ibn Abbas as a young boy: “O boy, I shall teach you some words: Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you shall  find Him with you...” ⁽⁴⁾

He taught him that Allah sees him even if no one else does — nurturing self-awareness and personal responsibility, so he doesn’t blame others for his own faults.

It is only fair not to label those who learn and apply Islamic parenting as “practicing positive parenting.” How can a complete divine methodology be reduced to a human theory? How can revelation — which is free of falsehood — be compared to human systems that may succeed or fail?

Every Muslim educator must strive to learn parenting from its pure source, to raise a child who is strong in belief, sound in mind and body — and what greater honor than following a method gifted by the All-Knowing, the All-Wise?

-------------------------------------------------------------

1.     Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2351

2.    Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593

3.    Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6478

4.    Jami‘ at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2516

Read This Article in Arabic