You Are No Rival to Your Husband, Madam!
Marital life shifts into another
arena of conflict and dispute, often ending in separation or divorce, when the
disease of rivalry infiltrates the family and infects the relationship between
husband and wife like a dangerous virus destroying marital immunity and happiness.
It may well be the most dangerous
ailment of recent years, fueled by the rise of extremist feminist voices, the loud tone of “women’s empowerment,” and the
spread of ideologies that dismantle family foundations. These ideologies sow
seeds of conflict between spouses under false slogans such as “equality,”
“women’s rights,” and “women’s freedom.”
A few years ago, a viral trend
titled “The Woman Is Not Obliged” swept through social media like
wildfire, advocating for exempting wives from any domestic or marital
responsibilities — claiming they are not obliged to breastfeed, cook, or care
for their homes, husbands, and children.
“No, I will never submit, I’m your
equal!” said a colleague of mine during a dispute with her husband. I found
myself momentarily silent, then broke the pause to calm her anger gently.
When “No” Becomes a Lifestyle
Sometimes — or perhaps often —
the word “no” becomes a tool for asserting one’s presence, self-worth,
or simply challenging the other, even the husband, without rational or logical
foundation, nor based on Islamic principles consistent with the Quran and
Sunnah. It is merely the dominance of the ego and an exaggerated sense of self-worth,
oblivious to the consequences.
Ruin befalls many homes because
of rivalry, stubbornness, and endless arguments. The marital home turns into an
arena of conflict, its
walls cracking under disputes and quarrels, sometimes escalating to violence or
even murder in moments of blindness and rage. In the end, everyone pays the
price of this gruesome “No!”
Marriage is meant to be affection
and mercy, a fortified shelter filled with love, warmth, compassion, and
chastity — a garment of mutual care that unites husband and wife. It is one of
the signs of Allah, a sacred covenant, a prophetic tradition, a human instinct, a social necessity
— not a battlefield.
What Happened to Qiwamah?
Some women imagine that competing
with men will bring them greater gains, self-fulfillment, and admiration from
society, as if defying their husbands will earn them power or control over
household decisions in the future.
But the bitter truth is that such
behavior destroys the home, undermines its stability, and wounds the husband’s
manhood — eroding his qiwamah that Allah described in the Quran: {Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been
provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially.} [An-Nisa
4:34]
The term qiwamah means
responsibility through care, protection, and reform. Ibn `Abbas said: “Men are
the caretakers of women — meaning: they are in authority. She must obey him in
what Allah Commands. His right over her is to be good to his family, preserve
his wealth, and he has virtue over her due to his spending and effort.”
So if a man fulfills his qiwamah
completely by honoring, providing, and treating his wife kindly, then why
the rivalry, O women? Why the stubbornness, defiance, and fault-finding?
And if he neglects his duty, that’s another matter, he must be advised and
reminded through religious, social, and legal means.
The Bitter Results of Stubbornness
Modern studies confirm that
stubbornness between spouses is one of the main causes of marital conflict. The
obstinacy of the wife and recklessness of the husband are among the top reasons
for the rise in divorce rates.
Marital stubbornness casts a dark psychological shadow over both spouses and
often extends to damage their children’s emotional and behavioral balance.
I know more than one neighbor or
colleague who insisted on her way, refusing advice, reflection, or
consultation. The result was always the same: disintegration, divorce, and
wasted years in court battles. So where are the supposed gains of rivalry and defiance?
Abul Darda’ said: “If you see
people overcome with arrogance and cannot change them, then leave them.” (Ibn
Al-Jawzi’s Gharib Al-Hadith)
Marriage is about
forgiveness, dialogue, understanding, compassion, and mutual advice, not
harshness, conflict, or rivalry. It is no shame for a husband to consider his
wife’s opinion; his arrogance and disregard might only increase her defiance.
Similarly, it is unwise for a wife to reject her husband’s opinion when it
aligns with goodness and obedience to Allah. He is the captain of the ship,
steering it and bearing its responsibility.
Turning Rivalry into Positive Energy
Let’s transform stubbornness and
rivalry into positive energy. Let’s protect our homes and marriages from
collapse caused by excess pride. Let’s adhere to the etiquettes of constructive dialogue, respect differing opinions, avoid unnecessary disputes,
overlook minor faults, and forgive when we can.
Let’s remember the wise counsel
of Umamah Bint Al-Harith to her daughter Um Iyas when she got married: “Be to
him like a devoted servant, and he will be to you like a devoted slave.”
Mu`adh Ibn Jabal reported that
the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “If I were
to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have
commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose Hand is my
soul! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty
towards her husband.” (At-Tirmidhi)
Your husband is your comfort and
partner in life — your friend, supporter, and protector, not your competitor or
enemy. When this understanding prevails, happiness will fill your home,
resentment will fade, and the demon of extremist feminism will retreat before a
secure, serene household founded upon faith, built with piety, and crowned with
affection and mercy.
Also Read:
- 5 Key Islamic Principles for the First Year of Marriage
- Is Hijab a Symbol of Empowerment or Oppression?
- Women’s Role in Society and Family in Islam vs. the West
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